Everyone can do it

March 22, 2011 Leave a comment

So the internet is really a great thing, don’t get me wrong. I love it. It brings me to you, it connects us to folks across the globe, etc etc and all that good stuff.

But let’s be real…all of these people trying to get famous off of YouTube and blogs and what not……..if it weren’t for the internet, you wouldn’t be anybody. I was just talking to one of my best friends about this (“T”). Convo goes something like this:

me: Dude, everyone is an internet star now. All you need is a cameraphone and a youtube account. I need something to rap about.

T: Lol, actually u don’t need anything to write about
rap about. I mean, u can rap about the computer

me: You right (here I go!)
sittin at my keyboard
starin at the screen
tryin to figure out
how to make this green

T: hahahahaha

me: Add in a few ad libs, that’s all i need

T: Eh eh…screen..computer…macs and pcs…macs and pcs

me: Ch ch cheaaaaaaaaaa

Now. CLEARLY, we aren’t serious. But the sad part is, there is SOME idiot out there right now rapping about wonton soup and effing your girl…and the only reason we even know about this dude is because he convinced somebody with a cameraphone to follow him around and record his wack rap.

*cueing Jigga so I can get my appropriate swag back*


Your uncle is hot

Please locate his stylist

I want me some him

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Ebonics linguist needed.

Ok now, in this day and age, I understand that companies are looking on how to diversify their companies and market themselves and blahblahblah. They’ve been watching those McDonald’s commercials for McNuggets with the tacky singing black couple. Because real black people won’t respond unless there’s a tacky singing black couple selling them McNuggets advising folks not to be stingy with their heart attack in a box.

Anyways, I digress. So back to the companies seeking “diversity”. So.

Chenega Corporation. You are today’s biggest racist a*shole. Like seriously. WHY would you post the following requirements in your job announcement:

  • Strong command of Ebonics and English with the ability to provide clear and concise oral and written communication.
  • Degree or Graduate Education: – the appropriate foreign language from an English-speaking college or university, specialized experience: in translating, interpreting, or other work requiring the use of English or a combination of work (that required English and Ebonics) and training at the Defense Language Institute, Foreign Service Institute, or comparable training.
  • Full job announcement here, in case any of yall want to apply (side eye)

Now. Let me start by saying, I blame Oakland, California for starting this Ebonics foolishness. But that being neither here nor there, I blame Chenega Corporation, their in-house counsel, their HR department, and whoever the hell else signed off on this job announcement thinking it would be totally acceptable to seek someone who has a “strong command of Ebonics” in order to expand their enterprise in Atlanta. So….they’re making the following assumptions:

  1. Everyone in Atlanta speaks Ebonics. My response to that…stop watching BET. Atlanta is NOT only made up of Jeezy, T.I., and the Real Housewives of ATL. Contrary to [white folks’ and the dumba*ses at Chenega] popular belief, Atlanta is actually a mecca (right after DC, what’s up 202/301/703) for educated, black professionals. Which brings me to point #2…
  2. Educated black professionals, who, presumably, would be the people that these Chenega dummies would be dealing with…don’t speak Ebonics.
  3. That conversation with black people can’t occur without an effective command of “Ebonics”. F*ckouttahere with that mess. I can’t even say anything else.

Ok really, let me find something funny to lighten the mood.

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Real talk on Jamaica

Ok so…we all know about Jamaica. Our neighbor to the south. Where folks go to “get their [alleged] groove back”. Where everyone “smokes de ganja” (side eye) and listens to reggae. Etc etc. You know the stereotypes.

Ok so what most folks fail to realize/acknowledge/discuss, is that Jamaica is still a poor country, cuz that sh*t aint publicized in the “One Love” tourism commercials. Sooooo with this recent bit of drug wars going on, I have to ask: are we really that surprised?

I mean…ok. Jamaicans. Don’t go snapping at me (man, all the Jamaicans I know are a wee bit crazy and ultra-super-duper hype over their flag and all things Jamaican, I still love yall though! Great food, lol). But I mean really, Jamaican homies…didn’t yall’s parents move here for a reason? Was part of that reason the craziness that has been going on in Kingston for YEARS?! I mean…let’s survey some quick history:

  • Like most Caribbean nations, the island was inhabited by natives (Arawak Indians), til the white people showed up (namely, good old Chris Columbus)
  • Fast forward a little bit, lol
  • African slaves were brought (like most Caribbean nations)…yea yea, fast forward a little bit more
  • Jamaican independence started a wee bit in 1938 with the People’s National Party, and later, the development of the Jamaica Labour Party. Full independence from Britain gained in 1962.
  • Fast forward a bit more to major emigration to Cuba, the US, the Dominican Republic, and other places due to a lack of jobs, high levels of violence, and gang warfare due to drugs
  • Read this and this for a pretty good overview of the drug trade in Jamaica

So yea, that was the extremely abbreviated history…but really…ask any Jamaican you know WHY they ended up in the US. There is a reason you don’t see Kingston featured in the commercials…and everyone gets hype off of “Mo Bay” and Negril. Because the eastern half of the island is a hot flaming drug filled mess. Yea I said it.

Yea…I’m going to cut myself off here on this issue, because I could go on for days…because at some point we have to address how our nation’s drug policy is contributing to these problems. And we also have to address why this, and the crippling poverty which exists throughout the island, is something we choose to ignore when we hit up Negril.

On to lighter subjects…

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Hello world!

What’s up snitches. I mean, this blog is pretty self-explanatory…so “Hi” and what not.

Let the fun begin…

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